I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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