We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
vagina is talking i cant
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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