I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
