How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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