I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
