I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
