your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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