nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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