I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
