he shaved USA in his pubs
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i think my cat just said my name.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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