apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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