so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
