I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How naked do you want me to be?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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