hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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