i would punch a child for taco bell
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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