i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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