Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
