I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
