forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
