need another drink. this is the easiest way
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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