Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
