Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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