Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
