I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
