he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
