youre lurking in front of me
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
