Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
