What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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