i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
