I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
