I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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