best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
