I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
