Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
