apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
