I am puke
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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