hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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