Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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