I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
