wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize