My boss' voice literally gives me gas
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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