I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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