Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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