her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Actions speak louder than pants.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
