i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
