some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
