Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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