Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
