Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
