Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
