So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
