matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
