he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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