I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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