I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
