So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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