I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
