end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
