i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
