Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
