Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
