I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
