On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
