haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
