I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
