I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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