If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
