what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
