I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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