Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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