I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
