yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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