Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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