You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Randomize
