why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
