You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
did i walk over a car last night?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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