You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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