Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
