Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
