I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The air taste purple.
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