i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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