If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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