lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
