i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
