We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
They have beer where we have blood.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
