he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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